I was just a bean sprout the first time I hopped in a raft. I was about 8 years old and highly impressionable. It was summer and my mother had drove my sister and I from a tiny beach town on the west coast of Florida into the hollers of Tennessee to take us on our first ever whitewater rafting trip down the Ocoee River. My sister was a little nervous, I however, was not. I wanted all the action, all the splash, all the attention. So naturally when it was time for someone to hop on the front of the raft and “ride the bull” you know who was clawing her way to the front. Shortly after that, I was gifted my first ever unintentional whitewater swim. Rattled and nervous, I tried to shrug it off and pretend I was the toughest kid on the planet. That was the first and certainly not the last time the river humbled me.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would actually become a raft guide. I never really considered myself to be an athletic person. I didn’t really play any sports growing up and although I had a fair amount of friends, always felt like an outsider. I was in the marching band in high school and was more into writing poetry and listening to angsty music than my studies. I was a good kid, just didn’t really feel drawn to anything. I didn’t have any passions, or driving forces in life. Needless to say, I was a lost puppy. And that mentality lasted for quite some time. 

After graduating community college, I moved to Asheville, North Carolina for about a year before I decided to head out to Aspen, Colorado. I knew Aspen was a place where I could make some serious dough and finally feel like I could stand on my own two feet. Well, Aspen had a different idea for me. Ya girl got a little too into the “Aspen Lifestyle” and found herself not only broke financially, but mentally as well. I had developed a dependency to the lifestyle which then translated into a hefty drug and alcohol addiction. Aspen had chewed me up and spat me out and there was no denying it. I needed help. Luckily, my story isn’t that uncommon in the RFV and it was very easy for me to get the help that I needed. 

I had been sober for about a month before i was presented with an opportunity to go to guide school to become a whitewater rafting guide. The 8 year old in me was overjoyed and ecstatic. I couldn’t say no. I couldn’t believe I was going to be able to embark on a new journey in my new, freshly detoxed life. I was ready.

The summer of 2021 changed my life. I had never felt purpose or drive before in my life. I’d never had a community like the one I found through guide school and the rafting community of the Roaring Fork Valley. I felt loved, supported and cared for, which was rare in my upbringing. I was seen and supported through my sobriety and whitewater. I thought the two aspects of my life would stay separate, but they actually went hand in hand. Rafting kept me sober. Rafting kept my mental health in check. Rafting took my sadness and turned it into something vibrant and lively. I was taught to be humble and inquisitive, to ask questions and take risks. To learn through trial and error and to not be afraid of failure. To celebrate the little triumphs, no matter how small they are. To have the backs of your friends and they’ll have yours. To have faith and trust in others.

I have travelled all over the country seeking whitewater. From coast to coast. From river to shining river. Rafting has taught me more about life, love, grief, triumph and myself more than any therapist I’ve ever seen (and I have seen a TON of therapists and still continue to). Learning to love and respect myself was something that I wasn’t sure was attainable for me but man, did the river show me how to love not only myself, but others. I met the love of my life through rafting. I met the best friends I’ve ever known through this community. Rafting is the freaking best and continues to push me out of my comfort zones. 

If it wasn’t already clear…rafting saved the Bean.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

All the love,

Beanie